My dear Friend!

          I have never thought that I will be writing to you from a place like this. I have been in prison for seven months for the contraband of drugs and I have to be here for the next fifteen years. The conditions are awful. There are no prospects for future life because I am very far from my family  and because I am aware of the horrible future and I am also afraid of it as well.

          I could have lived happier in my family now – now I have no idea how my wife will manage with three children, without me… I left them and I am so sorry. I don’t even know how they survived the news about my being arrested and about the sentence. My mother has always wanted my life to be good and happy. I made a huge mistake, I disappointed my whole family, I don’t know why so much. I wanted to earn some money and I know now that I did wrong. Now my life is a nightmare and I sometimes I think it is just a bad dream.

          I haven’t seen my family for a few months, I sometimes have the impression that they don’t exist any more and that the days pass next to me… I spent hours looking out of the window and I try to imagine my family and me among them…

          I live with people who are a huge burden for the society – they are real criminals. They have no rules, they are deprived not only of freedom, but also human feelings, prison is their home, their whole life – they feel well there.

          You have to be tough and you can’t afford complaining and being psychically weak. I have such life and you can’t imagine how much I want to come to the life in freedom. I have no news from my wife, I have written and sent some letters, but she hasn’t replied so far. The most I am worried about my children – will I ever see them again? Will they recognize their father in me? – if I ever come back, if I survive the constant fight with the fear of tomorrow.

          I didn’t have a just trial, the lawyer treated my case as a formality and the judge saw in me a dangerous criminal, who has finally been captured. I can’t forget about this and understand how easy it is to destroy someone’s life and the life of the relatives. I admitted committing all the crimes because I had hoped I would get a lighter sentence, but here the law and habits are  different and many people still do not realize it.

I could have considered it again and withdraw myself from it, but there was not enough time and the only thought I had then was a chance to make a lot of money in a few days.

I didn’t think about what I was doing and about the consequences.

Everything seemed so easy and logical…

I don’t have any friends here, everyone is so distant from me and I can’t find anyone who I can trust, because it can have bad consequences.

          Please, write back, maybe you will help me to forget at least for a moment.

Lots of love,              Daniel K.

Being lost

Night,  millions of stars
Moon
Even it doesn’t shine
Again I look at the map of life
Where to go
I don’t know
I am standing at the platform
In the pocket I have
Just a dirty ticket
To my city

                                                             a.w. (Poland)
Translated by Joanna Wiśniewska