CRIME

Then came the day my mother and father knew was going to happen.  I was fifteen years old and in court for stealing.  I can remember how scared I was standing in the courthouse, with the judge staring at me over his glasses.  My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to come out through my chest.  Then came the words that will never leave me, “Six months in a young offenders’ centre.”

Those words will never leave me because they were the start of a life which has carried on until the present day.

Now here I am in prison serving a life sentence, praying that in the near future I will go free.  Then I will start my life without the mistakes of the past, because I am older, wiser and, most importantly, I have a family to take care of.

OOOOOOO

CRIME DOESN’T PAY

Crime doesn’t pay – yet try telling that to a wayward adolescent, hell bent on his own rebellious ignorance. That’s how it was for me then back in my youth, being swayed by ignorance more than the truth; a truth that was always there for me to see, if only I wanted to.

My life revolved around petty crime, to enhance my own self-worth, because as with most criminals, money in the pocket was as good as power in the office.  I thrived on it, dishonest as it was, because it brought me many of the things that my parents could not afford.  It got me a circle of friends that maybe at one time I could not have had.

To fund this life I had to steal.  However, long runs the fox, as they say, and like most, I got caught.  Crime of any nature does not pay, regardless of how you look at it.  To me it became a rewarding way of living, and added to my collection of undesirable friends.  After much thought and soul-searching, I became aware that these were only so-called friends.  I decided that it was time to pull the plug on our friendships and live life for myself.

DOING LIFE

Back in May 1996 I set out to burgle a house with the intention of stealing anything I could find of value.  If I had thought for one moment that this would result in causing someone’s death, I would never have gone out that fatal night.  God only knows why I broke the golden rule and committed the crime of murder.

Let me say, this wasn’t part of the plan.  I certainly had no intention of killing anyone.  Something happened and I completely lost control.

I was arrested the next day and questioned by the serious crime squad in Belfast.  I was remanded in custody to HMP Maghaberry after being charged with murder.

I can remember entering the small reception area, being stripped naked, told to shower and hand over all my property.  I was placed into a tiny cell where I sat for the next few hours wondering how was I going to get out of this awful mess.

The Governor who informed me that I was going to Lagan House saw me the following morning.  This is a unit that houses mainly remand and vulnerable inmates.

As I entered the wing every eye was upon me and I certainly wasn’t expecting the reception I got from other inmates.  They shouted at me, even spat on me as I walked along the narrow landing.

That night as I lay on my bed I devised a plan to kill myself, as I felt really so low and helpless.  I slashed my arms with a broken razor and was found by a member of staff who immediately sent me to the hospital.  I spent the next few months there under the care of various doctors.

One day I felt well enough to ask that I be returned to the house.  Upon my return I met a young man who was also charged with murder.  We became good friends and he helped me through some difficult times.

I was introduced to the drugs scene, something I had never experienced prior to coming into prison.  I had some of the weirdest feelings and experiences on a variety of drugs ranging from cannabis to ecstasy.  That was between 1996 and 1998 but, since then, I have completely turned my life around.

Having come through some of the most harrowing experiences in life, I can now understand how a man feels when he is confronted by bullies and those who have a tendency to judge others.

I myself have had my fair share of attacks from people who set themselves up as judge, jury and executioners.  I have a damn good friend here who has helped me through some difficult times.  I guess we have learnt to watch each other’s backs and help each other out when the going gets tough.